Tears

Tonight I let the tears fall down,

Intricately portraying pain

But the pain inside

You cannot see,

Save for the eyes that cannot lie

Tears are the human expression

That something is wrong

Tears can mean a broken arm,

A broken heart

Tears can mean a death,

A broken life,

A cry for help

But behind these tears

Sit restless hearts,

Cruelly cut by the world

Tears are a gift

Pain is a gift

But I cannot say

A beautiful, decaprated

Broken soul is a gift

So as you lie awake tonight,

Remember the forgotten

Some of us don’t mend,

We just harden

Tears become a mara

Gaze Behind Me

The next several posts are just a collection of thoughts I wrote two or three months ago - which is why some of them will be referring to Christmas, and past events. Anyway. Wasn't really sure what format to put this in, but this will work:

Tonight I turn my face

Toward my wall, to think

In an evil-filled world

Surrounded by the cover of dark

I let my mind wander back

To my childhood,

A time when long-division

Was considered a demon

I let my mind lead me

Back to our forty acre ranch,

On those rolling, beautiful plains

And I lament the going of

Such simplistic days

Running through the fields

With the dog,

Cuddling new kittens,
mowing lawns,

Planting trees,

Throwing the cattle bales

Of the summer days

When we swam in a cow trough,

Electrified voles,

Stacked firewood

Yesterday, I was “home” again

For the first time in months

And I experienced a bittersweet realization

I love the plains,

The setting sun, and my old place

I hated living there,

But could not imagine anything else

Yesterday I looked at our unfinished driveway –

The one that leads to nowhere

I remembered going out there and writing

For hours some summer day

Those writings sit in a book

Filled with a story

Of hope after hope,
and shattered dream after dream

That driveway represents to me

All that never will be,

All the dreams made impossible

Tonight I turn my head toward the wall.

And like so many nights

Of the past three years,

Silent tears stain my face –

As I wonder if, like Anne of Green Gables said

“my life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes”

I asked myself

If I could have changed the last three years,

Would I?

Parts, yes, but other parts, no

God has something to teach me,

And if it takes one more broken dream,

So be it

I have changed internally

More than I ever thought possible

In the last three years,

And inside, I am no 17 year old girl

But I am one who is waiting

For the laughter of mourning

The Piper calls, and some do not return,

But answer, always answer

So a silent tear slips down this face,

And I wonder if all heartbreak is forever

But then I wonder if there was none,

What would I be

Such a confusing mess of thoughts

But the Piper calls,

And who will follow?

I’m waiting,

Like for rain in a drought,

I’m waiting for a reason

Waiting, just waiting

To feel beautiful again

Waiting to dance in the rain

Let it pour

I’m ready

SarahLydia

Give Me the Desire

Giving me Your heartbeat
And giving me Your life, 
Should give me the desire 
To see things through Your eyes  


But I cannot see 
Or maybe I do not care, 
As I live today 
My end could be near  


Ignorance is no excuse, 
Our fatalities are always choice 
We all know who You are, 
But yet we choose to reject  


Giving me Your heartbeat 
And giving me Your life, 
Should give me the desire 
To see things through Your eyes 


I count my age on fingers, 
But I see no success 
I look upon my trophies 
Immaculate, they gather dust  


Giving me Your heartbeat 
And giving me Your life,
Should give me the desire 
To see things through Your eyes  


So long have I put off 
The pressure to ‘walk that walk,’ 
So long have I refused, 
You to open, You to renew  


I’m giving You my heartbeat 
Finally, giving You my life 
Presents a burning desire 
To see things through Your eyes  


Now I can see,  
I now do truly care, 
As I live today, 
My end could be near  


I revel in my pain, 
I rejoice when I need suffer 
For when my end does come, 
Of that I have no fear  


I’ll show others how to give You their heartbeat, 
And how to give You their life 
As I continue in the journey 
To see all through Your eyes

Truth....is?

           Truth. A five letter word, yet many of the most conversant minds of today cannot truly define what it means. Men have searched in vain for decades in hopes of discovering it, while other men have found it.

So we ask ourselves what the difference between these two sets of seekers is. We wonder why all do not come to the same conclusion. And sometimes, we even question if there is such a thing as truth. Multiple authors claim they have reached true truth, C.S. Lewis, Charles Darwin, Richard Dawkins, etc.

I believe the search of truth leads one in an endless maze of questions in the beginning. Perhaps maze is not the term I am looking for, but syllogism.

What is truth? What is true truth? Is there truth? Does it affect me? As a child I thought I knew what truth was. “Thy Word is truth. John 17:17,” I repeated as a 5 year old Sparky. I could lie and say I thought about what those words truly meant, but I can’t say I did other than to realize God is truth and the Bible is truth.

           

How profound Jesus is, even in the simplest of statements. A derivative of the Greek word alētheia, truth is defined as “conformity to fact or reality; exact accordance with that which is or has been, or shall be” in Webster’s 1828 dictionary.

Carl Sagan’s Cosmos has a very similar sound to this definition. A sound which to many might seem almost biblical. When you ask someone “what is truth,” you will find many different answers. Why? Because there are sides. Truth is not simply a question, but a battle. The battle between right and wrong, good and evil. truth and non-truth – a battle that if thoroughly examined is prepared to shake us to our very core, question our beliefs, and perhaps even shatter them.

Many people are opposed to the mere mention of truth. Why? I believe it is because that by ignoring the presence of such a thing one is released of all responsibility regarding behavior, actions, and beliefs. In our sinful human nature we do not naturally seek responsibility; we revile it in our hearts.

In the Garden of Eden the serpent told Eve that no one had to know, thus releasing her of her responsibility to truth. To some, truth is like a demon that is determined to expose every particle of their being, and to others it presents a sense of peace and comfort. The search of truth requires us to lay down our thoughts and truly examine them for what they are. I personally wonder if some “seekers of truth” really want to find it, or simply desire to set their minds at ease.

           

The sides of this age-old cosmic battle are the world and God. That alone explains why we reach different conclusions. The world is essentially at war with God, and groups at war rarely believe the same thing. As far as I can see….:P

Many believe that truth is interpretive person to person – that there is no real truth, there is only their own personal truth, what they determine to be truth. If this is the case, then truth shouldn’t matter, it shouldn’t be an unanswered question. But do you really want to base your existence on interpretation? According to Sagan, we’re “star stuff.” He claimed that we have fallen from a great height- I’ll also assume he hit his head at the bottom.

I personally would rather believe I came from something with a little more validity than that.

What about you?