Saturday, February 27, 2010

Possibilities

If tomorrow came
And you weren’t here
If dawn arose
Would I shed a tear?







If you were gone
Would I know where
If you passed on
Would I care?


You had a choice
Which did you choose?
If I had spoken
Even once to you…









Would it have changed today?
Would you still be here
If I had reached out
To someone different











Would you have changed?
Or would you be indifferent
This is my fault
At least, I bear some blame







I knew you hurt
I saw your pain
Yet I remained
A stranger





I knew the answer
To give you hope
But to share with you
Was outside my comfort zone







Now, you are gone
And I am here
With the knowledge that
You’re in a sulfur smoke








You were a nihilistic Nazi
I was the clean kid on our block,
You stayed up late, in front of LED
I partied like a queen





Lives woven together
But you've broken your thread
Our pain could have flown together
But now you are dead






I gave up the chance
To give you a hope
Today I sit here
As they remove your dope






That was yesterday,
I live today
The same, but different
Desiring change







I see someone like you
I pause between lockers
I almost pass by, but realize
I still hold the answer









Irreverently dangling it
Above his head
What choice will I make?
Which road will I take?










You can see his pain
It’s flowing bloodlike tears
I can see the stains
And the dark dye of his hair












I look into his eyes
Startled, they reflect mine
Deep pools of green
Filled with unanswered hurt







And tonight he sits alone
Enveloped by the darkness of night
A choice to make, his choice to choose
Those bloodlike tears
Are tears no more




No gasps of pain,
Just bloody sleeves
No cries of hurt,
Just broken knees







You can see his pain
It’s flowing bloodlike tears
I can see those stains
And the dark dye of his hair




If I hold back
This could be
A repetition, Your misery
So I speak










I can see his pain
But you have stopped the bloody tears
I can see his knees
But now Somebody cares









Thursday, February 25, 2010

Explanations

I stand in rain
You stand in heaven

I kneel in pain
You sit and reign

I cry in brokenness
You cry that I’m broken

I lift my tears toward heaven
You reach down to wipe them

I pound my fist
You understand my humanness

I hear a Voice
You whispered a song

I see a tapestry
You have woven my life

I see the ruts and rocks
You point out its perfection

I gaze in wonder
You stand amused

I bow at the mercy seat
You lift up my face

I wonder what’s happening
You say “do not fear”

I turn my eyes
You still see the pain

I ask “why the pain, the breaking, the tears?”
You say “I am with you, child have no fear”

I question “I was angry, yet You called out my name”
You say “Because I love you, things won’t ever be the same”

I said “I saw the tapestry – my failures, my sins”
You say “I saw the beauty, the pristine perfection”

I say “I don’t understand – this glory and awe”
You say “you don’t need to – I am who I am”

I smiled and asked “why me, and why now?”
You laughed as You said “don’t you see?”

“My love never ends
My mercy never fails
My forgiveness is eternal”

“I created the earth,
 The wind,
Even you”

“For My glory and honor
I AM WHO I AM”

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Tears

Tonight I let the tears fall down,
Intricately portraying pain
But the pain inside
You cannot see,
Save for the eyes that cannot lie

Tears are the human expression
That something is wrong
Tears can mean a broken arm,
A broken heart
Tears can mean a death,
A broken life,
A cry for help

But behind these tears
Sit restless hearts,
Cruelly cut by the world
Tears are a gift
Pain is a gift
But I cannot say
A beautiful, decaprated
Broken soul is a gift

So as you lie awake tonight,
Remember the forgotten
Some of us don’t mend,
We just harden
Tears become a mara


Saturday, February 13, 2010

Gaze Behind Me


The next several posts are just a collection of thoughts I wrote two or three months ago - which is why some of them will be referring to Christmas, and past events. Anyway. Wasn't really sure what format to put this in, but this will work:

Tonight I turn my face
Toward my wall, to think
In an evil-filled world
Surrounded by the cover of dark
I let my mind wander back
To my childhood,
A time when long-division
Was considered a demon

I let my mind lead me
Back to our forty acre ranch,
On those rolling, beautiful plains
And I lament the going of
Such simplistic days

Running through the fields
With the dog,
Cuddling new kittens,
mowing lawns,
Planting trees,
Throwing the cattle bales

Of the summer days
When we swam in a cow trough,
Electrified voles,
Stacked firewood

Yesterday, I was “home” again
For the first time in months
And I experienced a bittersweet realization

I love the plains,
The setting sun, and my old place
I hated living there,
But could not imagine anything else

Yesterday I looked at our unfinished driveway –
The one that leads to nowhere
I remembered going out there and writing
For hours some summer day

Those writings sit in a book
Filled with a story
Of hope after hope,
and shattered dream after dream

That driveway represents to me
All that never will be,
All the dreams made impossible

Tonight I turn my head toward the wall.
And like so many nights
Of the past three years,
Silent tears stain my face –
As I wonder if, like Anne of Green Gables said
“my life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes”

I asked myself
If I could have changed the last three years,
Would I?

Parts, yes, but other parts, no
God has something to teach me,
And if it takes one more broken dream,
So be it

I have changed internally
More than I ever thought possible
In the last three years,
And inside, I am no 17 year old girl

But I am one who is waiting
For the laughter of mourning
The Piper calls, and some do not return,
But answer, always answer

So a silent tear slips down this face,
And I wonder if all heartbreak is forever
But then I wonder if there was none,
What would I be

Such a confusing mess of thoughts
But the Piper calls,
And who will follow?

I’m waiting,
Like for rain in a drought,
I’m waiting for a reason

Waiting, just waiting
To feel beautiful again
Waiting to dance in the rain
Let it pour

I’m ready



SarahLydia